


Gold and Topaz

by xAnimaniac



Category: Big Time Rush (TV)
Genre: Lots of crushes, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 07:19:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18544954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAnimaniac/pseuds/xAnimaniac
Summary: Kendall thinks James' eyes are like liquid gold, and that for lonely losers like him, Valentine's Day is a waste of time.





	Gold and Topaz

**Author's Note:**

> For a Valentine's Day prompt on FF.

**_~“I can’t believe I’m doing this . . .”~_ **

“Valentine’s Day is so lame.”

Kendall looked up from his place lying slouched back on the couch. A plate of cookies rested haphazardly on his stomach, and James, after walking in and announcing that little revelation, snatched one off the plate and took a large bite. Kendall looked up and watched him pace the room.

“Since when is it lame?” he asked, holding the plate and sitting up. “You always have a date on Valentine’s Day. Or a girlfriend.”

"Well, not this year." James threw himself down on the couch, a little too close for Kendall's liking. Well, that wasn't quite true – he got a whiff of his expensive aftershave and felt his heart do a little jump. "I was all set to go out tomorrow night with this girl, Susie, do you know her? She's got an acting gig on some new hospital drama."

"A hospital drama?" Kendall wrinkled his nose. "Is she, like, _old_?"

"No." James scowled. "Anyway, that's not the point. She cancelled on me this morning, says she's 'busy'. You know she just got a better offer."

Kendall shrugged. A better offer than James? It was a little hard to believe, but maybe not impossible for a girl like Susie. Whoever she was, she was clearly insane.

"So now I'm stuck without a date on the lamest day of the year," James whined, taking another cookie from Kendall's plate. "My life sucks."

"You know," Kendall said, putting the plate on the coffee table and pushing it out of James' reach. "I've _never_ had a date on Valentine's Day. When it comes around, I always happen to be single. It's not that bad." Even if he was inclined to agree; as far as days went, it was pretty lame.

"Yeah, but you’re cool about stuff like that. You don't care about lame stuff. I care about lame stuff."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Anyway, what am I supposed to do now? What am I going to do tomorrow when I'm a loser with no lady-friend? Who's going to buy me chocolate?

Kendall’s eyes narrowed. “So . . . you just want free stuff.”

It's a gift _exchange_ , Kendall. I'm not the only one getting a gift. Don't think me so shallow.” James elbowed Kendall hard in the ribs. “You’re supposed to be my best friend.”

“Don’t be a baby,” Kendall sighed, folding his arms and trying to turn his focus back to the television. “I’m trying to watch the game.”

It’s just a friendly, who cares? This is more important.”

Kendall’s hackles rose. “Nothing,” he hissed, eyes narrowed, “is more important than hockey.” James might have been cute and charming and smarter than he let on, but he would not let him diss hockey. Not ever. That wouldn’t fly when they eventually took things to the next level—

_Stop it._

James raised his arms in defence. “Okay, okay. Sorry.” He was smiling, but Kendall could at last see that he looked genuinely disappointed. “I’m just kind of . . . I don’t know. It sucks to feel alone this time of year.”

Kendall tried to feel bad for him. But given that he was always alone this time of year, it was getting harder and harder to listen to his moping. He shut his eyes, accepting he was never going to get to enjoy the game. Not with James practically falling all over him and drowning him in his metaphorical tears.

“Wait, I just got an idea.”

“Please, enlighten me.”

“You should be my valentine. We can be each other’s valentines.”

Kendall’s eyes snapped open and he sat straight up. “What?” he asked. _Please don’t be blushing. Please don’t be blushing. Stop blushing!_ “What do you mean?”

“Well if we’re both alone, why not hang out together?” James grinned, kneeling on the couch beside him. “We can go get some dinner and take advantage of the set deals, maybe go to a movie, we can get each other chocolate. We don’t need flowers, I know that’d be a little much but doesn’t the rest of it sound fun?”

“I . . .” Kendall didn’t know whether to run away or take the offer. He took a deep breath and, against all his instincts and good sense, nodded and smiled. “That does sound fun. Let’s do it, why not?”

“Yay!” James dived forward and squeezed him in a tight hug. “It’s gonna be so fun. I’ll take care of it, okay?”

“I’m not a girl,” Kendall tried to protest, enveloped in James’ arms. His arms remained stiff by his side, refusing to reach up and hug him back. It would get too real that way. He resisted the urge to smell his soft hair.

“I know, but I’m used to doing the planning for that kind of stuff. You just get me something. Surprise me. But nothing with coconut, you know I hate coconut.” James jumped up and clapped his hands, giving Kendall that classic James Diamond glowing smile and finger gun. “I’m gonna go down to the pool, I’ll do a little research on my phone and see what’s out at the movies. Wanna come with me?”

“No, I’m good. I’ll head out to uh—“ He cut off, scratching his head. “To get a certain _someone_ ,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “A Valentine’s Day gift.”

James winked and waved goodbye, grabbing his towel from the rack by the door and slamming out of the apartment. Kendall gave a long sigh and slumped back to lie down on the couch, letting out the longest, loudest groan he possibly could.

“What am I getting myself into?” he asked aloud to himself, hands clamped over his ears. “What’s wrong with me?”

He knew James was his weak spot, he always had been. It was just that when they were kids, he had the softest spot for him because Logan had his brains to protect him and Carlos was such a wild spirit that nothing could really bring him down. But James was sensitive and sweet and not that smart when he was little; his mother hadn’t encouraged smart, just pretty. Kendall couldn’t help wanting to take care of him; his dad taught him to protect people. But then they got older and he kept protecting them, protecting all of them – but it got a little tiring. Sometimes he wanted to be cared for too. It got a little exhausting sometimes, being the glue that held everyone together.

Then one time when they were fifteen, Kendall got a call from his dad telling him he wouldn’t be coming to visit after all. It turned out that was the last time he’d call. He was too busy with his new wife and kid. And James put his arm around his shoulders and made him a cup of cocoa and held him the whole evening until his mom came home from work and heard the news. And since then Kendall had fallen into a deep, desperate pit of rosy cheeks and shiny white teeth and the warmest eyes he’d ever seen, in a soft liquid gold.

“Fuck my life,” he moaned, closing his eyes.

**_~“But here goes . . .”~_ **

The Valentine’s Day section at the store around the corner from the Palmwoods was so large it took up pretty much a whole aisle. Kendall felt physically attacked by the colliding reds and pinks in front of him. There were shelves full of teddy bears all colours and sizes, beautiful bouquets of flowers and, of course, chocolate and sweets. He bit his lip, eyeing the bears and the flowers and remembering what James had said. He would be happy with a box of chocolates from him, at least. And spending the day just them would be nice; living in the apartment meant that nobody ever really got that anymore. No wonder Katie and his mom were always disappearing on “girl trips”.

His hand tapped over a row of boxes of chocolates, trying to decide which ones James would like the most out of the variety of brands and flavours. He didn’t want to spend too much; well, he did want to. But he didn’t want to be so obvious. He frowned and examined his options again.

“What’s up, Kendork?”

Kendall jumped, turning away from the chocolates to see Jett Stetson walking by with a dumb smug face and a shopping basket on his arm like a dumb jerk. “What are you doing by the Valentine’s Day collection?” he asked, voice carrying that usual singsong drama it always did. “Pining after Josephine Taylor?”

“I could say the same thing about you, _Stetson_ ,” Kendall spat, trying to infuse as much venom into it as possible. “Still mopey that she picked me?”

“Not really. I’m over it. I’m just shocked more than one lady was able to see past that plaid shirt.”

“I like my shirts. Your shirts are dumb.”

“ _Yours_ are dumb.”

Kendall’s eyes narrowed. Jett’s eyes narrowed. They stared at each other for a moment. Jett’s eyes gleamed blue. They were no liquid gold, that was for sure.

Then Jett’s eyes turned down. He huffed and strode away, mumbling, “Later, Kendork,” and was gone.

Kendall grinned, feeling that he’d won. Hands on his hips, he took one more glance at the selection and chose a box he thought James would like. He picked out a card on his way to the checkout. As he neared the line, Carlos appeared next to him carrying three boxes of frozen corndogs. “Hey, Carlitos. What’s up?”

“What’s up? What’s up with _you_? Why have you got romantic stuff?” Carlos’ eyes were wide. He tripped and bumped against Kendall’s back as he joined the line. “Have you got a girlfriend? Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Would you shush?” Kendall hissed, seeing Jett inspecting loaves of bread in the distance. “I don’t have a girlfriend. These are for James. It was his idea.”

“For James . . . no way.” Carlos threw his boxes down on the conveyor belt. “Does that mean you’re finally going to tell him you like him?”

“WHAT?” Kendall slammed his hand over Carlos’ grinning mouth. “How do you . . .” His face was red. “How do you know about that?” he demanded. “Nobody knows about that. I mean – what crush?”

“Mmmmffff,” Carlos said the same wide, excited gaze. Kendall sighed and removed his hand. “It’s obvious, dude. Well, it wasn’t obvious to me, but Logan was acting funny so I got him to tell me and he asked me if I thought you stared at him a lot—“

“Logan knows too?” Kendall wanted to just _die_. “I want to die.”

“Don’t be embarrassed! I actually think it’s kind of sweet. I never really see you lose your cool.” Carlos grinned, and pointed to the till to remind him it was his turn. “So, are you? Going to tell him you like him? Is that why you guys are getting gifts?”

The cashier smirked at him as she scanned the items and Kendall thought maybe, yeah, that was how it looked. It was pretty stupid that it wasn’t how it was. He sighed and handed over his money. “That’s not exactly what it is.”

“What is it, then?” Carlos asked as he handed over the exact amount needed for the boxes of corndogs. He should’ve gotten a stamp card for those things by now. If they even made those. They should’ve made one just for him.  He got a paper bag from the cashier and packed up his boxes, snatching Kendall’s things and putting them in the bag too, carrying it along in his arms. Kendall flushed slightly and followed him out of the store.

“Basically, James was bummed about not having a date for Valentine’s Day so . . . he kind of asked me if I wanted to do the day with him. But in a friend way,” he added quickly. “We’re just doing all the fun stuff but it’s not romantic.”

“Oh.” Carlos frowned. “That’s a little weird though. Because it’s romantic for you, isn’t it?”

Kendall sighed. “I guess . . . but I can handle it. And who knows? Maybe he’ll like going on a date with me.”

“So you’re not going to tell him anything?”

“Absolutely not.”

**_~“Don’t judge me, okay?”~_ **

Logan and Carlos didn’t have a lot of things in common. Sure, there were some common interests; they both loved ice hockey, though they didn’t as much as Kendall (because nobody did, and he would keep it that way). They both liked cake of all flavours except carrot and still held childlike love for every _Jurassic Park_ movie. But they had a lot of differences; they held a lot of differing views on a lot of things. Kendall wasn’t quite sure why he hoped they would disagree on his Valentine’s Day debacle. If anything Carlos would’ve been the one on board with his nonsense, and Logan would have been the one to doubt how sensible the whole thing was. But when Carlos reacted with concern rather than his usual giddiness, a crazy part of him hoped that maybe, as was often the case, Logan would have the opposite take.

He wasn’t so lucky.

“I really don’t think you should be doing this, man,” Logan said, standing over him with his arms folded. Kendall, Carlos and Camille were seated at the table working on the latest of Ms Collins’ daft group projects. Logan was on his way to his own study group, nerdy backpack atop his shoulders. Both shoulders, like the dork he was. Kendall felt guilt then, but it was Logan’s own fault for doubting him. “I think you’re just going to be disappointed. James is a ladies’ man, always has been. In every sense of the word.”

Camille shook her head in disapproval. But at Kendall, not at Logan. The nerve.

“Look, I know it’s stupid,” Kendall said, tapping his pen on the table in annoyance. “But the worst case scenario is that I’ll get to go on a date with James, right? Even if he doesn’t think it’s a date. Just let me have this one day of joy, dammit. The things I do for you people and this is how you repay me?”

“We’re just looking out for you, Ken,” Carlos said, nibbling on a corndog. “I know James won’t mean to do it, but he might hurt your feelings. I don’t want you to get sad about it if he doesn’t even know you like him. I don’t think he’d do this if he knew.”

“Very insightful, I’m proud of you.” Logan looked back at Kendall. “Just think about it, okay?”

“I already said yes,” Kendall said, folding his arms. “It’s too late to back out now.”

“Fine, but just don’t get too attached to the idea of it. For your own sake. I’ve gotta go.” Logan looked at his watch and sighed. “How the hell did I get stuck with Ozzie and Jett? Why do I always get the bad groups?”

“Hey, I thought you and Ozzie got along now.”

“You know I’ll still be doing most of the work. Whatever. I’ll see you guys later.” And he walked out of the apartment, vanishing into what would probably be a world of pain. At least he still had science to cheer him up.

Kendall went back to focusing on his work, determined not to look at Carlos and Camille for a few minutes. He knew what he was doing. He wasn’t about to get all mopey just because James didn’t like him back. He’d go on a fun date with him, get it out of his system and then he’d get over it. And that would be the end of it. He was determined. He’d get it out of his system. No sadness to be found. He could handle it. He was Kendall Knight. He could handle anything.

That night, he sat in the room he shared with Logan, knees tucked up with his Valentine’s Day card balanced on top of a book. Logan snored in the bed across the room; his study group had worn him out, but he hadn’t had much to say about it, oddly. Usually he had a bunch to complain about, but he just zipped his lip and went straight to bed. So Kendall had some peace to figure out what he wanted to write to James. He took a deep breath and wrote:

_James,_

He stopped. Then he wrote his name at the end:

_Kendall x_

He sighed and tried not to groan too loudly. Why did he add a kiss? Sure, it could just be a fun playful thing, but it was still a little cringe and it was too late to take it back. He sighed and thought about what to put in the middle. He didn’t want to give too much away. But at the same time, he wondered if he should give a hint. James was so dense sometimes he probably wouldn’t pick up on it anyway. But maybe it would make himself feel better. He bit his lip and tapped his pen and thought a little harder. Logan shifted in the other bed and he stopped tapping. He took a deep breath and wrote out his note, quickly enough that there was no time to change his mind.

_James,_

_Happy Valentine’s Day!_

_Kendall x_

There. Perfect.

**_~“The truth is that I like you.”~_ **

Kendall didn’t know what to wear. He couldn’t dress up; he couldn’t make it too obvious. So maybe just a plaid shirt. But James was like Jett in that he hated Kendall’s shirts. He was just a little less bitchy about it. But he didn’t want to look like he was trying too hard to be somebody else. But what if somebody else was what James wanted? He sighed and felt his knees shake.

He picked up his phone and dialled Carlos’ number. “Carlos? What’s James wearing?”

_“What? Are you serious? I’m eating cereal.”_

“It’s the afternoon.”

_“You’re calling me on the phone from your bedroom.”_

“Okay, look. I don’t know what to wear but I don’t want to go in and check myself because that would be too obvious. Just go find out for me, please?”

He heard Carlos give a long sigh. _“Fine. One second.”_ He heard the sound of the phone being dropped on the counter and his steps as he shuffled off to the bedroom. Kendall sat on his bed and waited, biting his lip. After about a minute or so, he heard the scuffle of the phone being picked back up and Carlos said, _“Okay, I’m back.”_

“Well, tell me!”

_“He’s wearing his white v-neck and black jeans. And that new denim jacket he keeps saying is fancy.”_

“Okay. Thanks, man. Enjoy your cereal. I’ll see you in a sec.” He hung up the phone and tossed it town, taking a deep breath. Okay, black skinny jeans. They made his legs look good. His lucky plaid shirt; it was blue and soft and smelled fresh as he picked it up and sniffed it. He combed his hair until he was satisfied, put on his favourite jacket and picked up his chocolates with the card attached. He checked himself in the mirror one more time. As far as dates with James went, this was the last way he’d ever expected it to go.

A knock on the door startled him. “Hey, Kendall! Are you ready yet? The movie starts soon.”

“Yeah, I’m coming.” Kendall opened the door. James stood in front of him, one hand in his jacket pocket, the other holding a red paper bag. He was all shiny white teeth and perfect hair. He gave Kendall a quick look up and down. “You combed you hair. Nice.”

“I did,” Kendall said, trying not to touch it and simper like some stupid maiden. “You look nice. I mean, uh . . . yeah. That’s your new jacket, right?”

“It is! Isn’t it great?” James did a little spin. “Before we go, I wanna give you this.” And he held out the red bag with a grin. “Happy Valentine’s Day, bud.”

Kendall tried not to cringe at the use of the word ‘bud’ and took the bag, handing James his box of chocolates. “Thank you. Here’s yours.” He opened it up to see the exact same box he’d bought James and couldn’t help chuckling.

“Great minds think alike, I guess,” James said with a smile, eyes on the card as he unfolded it.

Kendall opened up the card James had written him in his messy scrawl and gave it a quick read:

_Hey K-dog,_

_Happy Valentine’s Day! Thanks for being a great friend. You’ll have your best V-day ever, because you’re with me. Obviously._

_James_

Kendall smiled _(friend, huh? Well, what was I expecting?)_ and closed the card, putting the bag down on the table. “I don’t want to eat them yet, I want popcorn at the movie. Will we go?”

James nodded and the two set off. He caught a glance of Carlos shaking his head out of the corner of his eye and looked away quickly. He and James rode the elevator down into the lobby, and as they stepped out James threw his arm around Kendall’s shoulders and said, “We’re gonna have the best time, man. I didn’t pick a romantic film because it’s still you and me, you know? But it should be fun anyway. Thanks for doing this with me.”

“It’s no problem,” Kendall said, wondering what it would be like to walk around all the time with James’ arm around him like this. To be tucked underneath him or to be showed off like James did with the girls he dated. Somehow he kept coming back to being a girl. Why did James turn him into such a girl?

_Because you like him, dummy. And he doesn’t like you back. You’re basically school-age Taylor Swift._

He sighed.

“Hey, guys. Off on your ‘date’, then?”

Kendall and James turned to see Logan crossing the lobby with a book under his arm. “Very funny, Logie,” James said with a laugh, squeezing Kendall’s shoulder. “Where are you off to?”

“Going to hang out with Jett and Ozzie. I guess we’re getting along? I don’t know. It’s a little weird.” Logan glanced at Kendall for a second. Kendall looked away, sure he’d see judgement in his face. “Anyway, have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“In other words, nothing.” James tugged Kendall away and laughed, waving goodbye to Logan with his free hand. “He’s such a nun, am I right?”

“Leave him alone, he’s just shy. We’re all a little shy sometimes.”

“I guess. There’s the car, let’s go!”

**_~“I think you’re cute and stuff. You know. The usual stuff.”~_ **

The movie was a bland cluster of explosions and women in ridiculous outfits and American flag porn but he and James shared a box of popcorn and their hands kept touching throughout the film. Every now and then, James leaned in and murmured some comment to him about the movie or laughed and nudged his shoulder and he felt his cheeks burn at every form of contact, every soft breath against his ear.  He wanted to hold buttery hands or feel James’ arm around him again, cosy and comforting. He wanted to be on a date, dammit. Why was James so dense?

Maybe he should just tell him. No. He couldn’t. It wouldn’t end well. Maybe it was better that James was blind to everything.

“And that part where he blew up three planes at the same time? That was sick.” James shoved another handful of fries into his mouth, practically re-enacting the scene with his mouth full. Kendall watched him as he cut into his chicken. The restaurant James had chosen wasn’t super fancy, which he was fine with. But they had a special deal for couples where they could get a free dessert to share, and the poster looked positively mouth-watering.

“Yeah, it was a lot of fun.” He ate and took a sip of his soda. “You know, I wasn’t too sure about doing this today, but, um . . . I’m glad I did. I’m having a really good time.”

“Aww, I’m flattered. See, Valentine’s Day can be fun,” James said with a grin, offering him a few fries. He took a couple from his plate with a smile and ate them. “I’m glad we did it too. It’s nice to be out with a friend.” He glanced up quickly as a waitress passed. “Don’t tell them that, though. I want that dessert.” He gave Kendall’s hand a squeeze and winked at him, and the waitress smiled before moving on to another table. Kendall took another bite of chicken and just nodded so he wouldn’t have to speak. Yeah. A friend.

When they finished their main course, the waitress brought out their dessert. It was a chocolate mousse shaped like a heart, sitting on a clean white plate surrounded by berries. Kendall couldn’t help it; his mouth watered when he looked at it. He picked up one spoon and James picked up the other. “This looks so sexy,” James said, taking a spoonful. “Wanna try it together?”

Kendall nodded and took a spoonful. “Let’s do it. One, two, three.” The two ate their spoonfuls of mousse and let out simultaneous groans. Kendall felt his cheeks flush immediately but James laughed and took another spoon immediately, holding it out to him. Kendall’s eyes widened. “Um . . .”

“Come on, I wanna feed you. We’re supposed to be a couple. Open up, darling.” James smirked as Kendall opened his mouth and ate the mousse. He was sure his face had to be as red as the berries on the plate right now. He saw the waitress grin at him and give a thumbs up and wish he could explain to her just how fucked he was. He fed James a spoonful of mousse and tried to find the will to live.

_He has to know. He has to. He’s just teasing me at this point. No, we’re just having fun. We’re friends. It’s just a joke. I’m a joke. I hate my life._

They finished the dessert together and finished off the meal with two cups of coffee. They talked about the movie again, and other movies and the new songs Gustavo was working on for the band. They talked about Carlos and Logan and Camille and everyone else at the Palmwoods, and though Kendall didn’t like to pretend it, he couldn’t help enjoying being a bit of a gossip. It was fun.

“I can’t believe Logan is hanging out with those two idiots,” Kendall said, sipping his coffee. “Poor guy.”

“Hey, they’re not so bad.”

“You’re just saying that because you and Jett are equally vain,” he said with a smirk.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. But Ozzie’s not so bad either. Everyone’s got two sides to them, I think. Know what I mean? Am I sounding too deep?”

“No, it’s nice. I guess you’re probably right.” He hummed as he sipped and smiled at James. “I guess I can’t help being a little judgy. I’m not perfect.”

“You’re correct. Only I am perfect." James laughed and finished his coffee. “I’ll call another uber. This was really fun.”

“It was. Thanks for suggesting it. Especially the dessert. That was incredible.”

“It’s my treat.”

“What?” Kendall’s eyes widened. “James, no—“

“Come on, I want to. It was my idea. You paid for the snacks at the movie.”

“But that’s all I paid for. I’m not a girl.”

“You’re my date, though. And I treat my dates.” James stood up. “I’m gonna settle the bill up at the front. Sit tight until I get back.” And he walked off, wallet in hand. Kendall gave a long sigh and rested his head on his hand. He could let himself drift off into a daydream now. James shad the most gorgeous eyes. He was such a good date, treating him to a nice meal and a movie. Maybe they could do this every weekend when they got the time off.

When James came back to him, they stood up and put on their jackets, getting ready to leave. As they walked out, Kendall put his arm around James’ shoulders and gave him a playful squeeze. The very action sent heat rushing through his whole body. Putting an arm around Carlos or Logan was nothing, but he’d barely done it to James since . . . well.

He told himself this was the start of something as he and James got into the car.

**_~“I know I haven’t acted like it . . . but it’s the truth.”~_ **

They arrived back at the Palmwoods and Kendall felt like he was walking on air. He felt like he could still smell the flowers from the restaurant and the scent of James’ cologne on his shirt from being so close to him. He felt like skipping. He very almost did, but managed to stop himself as he and James went into the elevator and he tapped the button for the second floor.

“Today was so fun, right?” James said, punching Kendall’s shoulder softly. “Now you definitely need a date next year.”

“I guess I’ll have to try and find one closer to the time,” was all Kendall could say, grinning from ear to ear.

“You’ll find one. You’re a cool guy, even if you could definitely improve your wardrobe by, like, 200%.” They walked to the apartment and found Logan sitting on the couch, texting. He glanced up and said a quick hello before returning to his phone. The whole apartment was lit in a soft warm light from the setting sun outside the massive windows. It felt romantic and soothing and what Kendall wanted. Maybe he really could tell him. Maybe the whole thing had just been a ploy on James’ part. The atmosphere seemed fitting. If only Logan wasn’t there—

“Oh, hang on.” James picked up his ringing phone and held it to his ear. “Hello? Oh, hey! What’s up?” He walked off into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, chattering away on the phone.

“How was it?” Logan whispered.

“So great. He bought me dinner and fed me mousse and I thought I might die. He’s so cute. I think you were wrong. I’m going to tell him the truth.”

“I never thought you shouldn’t, dude. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

Kendall sighed and shook his head. Logan was wrong. He had to be.

“Sorry about that. That was Susie,” James said, walking back to them and gulping down his drink.

“Susie?” Kendall felt something inside him freeze for a moment.

“Yeah, remember? The girl I had plans with, turns out she got off set early and I’m gonna go see her! She lives on the fourth floor, I’ve gotta go make sure I smell good. How’s my hair? Doesn’t matter, you wouldn’t know. I’m the best judge of that. Be right back!” James ran off to his room. Kendall stood in the middle of the floor, breathing long and slow. He could feel Logan’s eyes on him and refused to look at him. After a few seconds, he heard the pitter-patter of his texting resume. Who the hell was he talking to anyway?

“Okay, I’m going. I’ll see you guys later.” In his hand, James held the box of chocolates given to him earlier that day. “I don’t really have anything for her but I figured we could share these and I’ll just work some of my charm on her. Thanks again for today, Kendall. You’re a good friend, bud. See you guys tonight, hopefully late.” And he waggled his eyebrows, gave them a wink and a wave, and left the apartment with a sharp slam of the door. Kendall may as well have shoved his heart and dignity and self-respect under that door. Fuck. Why did he feel like crying? What was he expecting? He sniffed.

He heard Logan sigh. “Kendall . . .”

“Don’t. Look, you were right, okay? You and Carlos were right. Happy now?”

“You know I’m not. You think I don’t want him to like you back? But he doesn’t. I’m sorry, Ken.” Logan stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. “There’s other fish in the sea, you know.”

“I know. I just . . . I thought it might . . .” He sighed. “I guess this whole thing got my expectations way up. It’s not even his fault, not really. I want it to be, but it’s not. I probably should never have said yes to it in the first place, but . . . it was a date with James. I got to pretend. I know that’s pathetic.”

“It’s not pathetic, not at all.” Logan gave him a brief hug; it was so quick Kendall didn’t really have time to hug him back. But to be honest, he was relieved. He was afraid if he hugged him too long he might do something stupid like cry. “Look, I’ll leave you alone for a while. Watch some TV and try to get your mind off it.”

“Where are you going?” Kendall asked as he slumped onto the couch.

“Out. Carlos is down by the pool. We probably won’t see him for a while. There’s ice cream in the freezer, by the way. Your favourite.”

“Wow, you really prepared for my failure at romance, huh?”

“I think ahead. I’ll see you later!”

Sitting in the now welcome silence of the apartment, Kendall leaned back on the comfy couch and turned on the TV. Naturally, most of what was on was romantic in nature. Stupid networkers, where was the channel for the lonely losers? Maybe TLC would have something, that channel was full of losers, much like himself. He got up from the couch as the intro to _90 Day Fiancé_ played and fetched the tub of ice cream form the freezer, grabbing a large spoon and sitting back down. At least he wasn’t the biggest idiot when it came to finding significant others. This guy was about to propose to a woman he’d known for five days. At least Kendall wasn’t that pathetic. Not quite, anyway.

The first commercial break had just ended when he heard a knock on the door. Ice cream still in hand, he stood up and walked to the door with a sigh. Did someone forget their key?

He opened it up and stopped, eyes widening.

Jett stood at the door, lip caught between his teeth. He held a bouquet of colourful flowers in his hand. Kendall held the door open in his free hand, not quite sure what to say. He was about to tell Jett he had the wrong apartment when he cleared his throat and said, “Um. Happy Valentine’s Day.” And he practically shoved the flowers into Kendall’s face. He caught the sniff of yellow roses and grasped them clumsily, putting his ice cream on the shelf by the door.

“Jett, what is this? He asked.

“It’s . . . uh . . .” Jett sighed and his cheeks turned red, striking a familiar chord within him. “Look, Logan told me I should. He’s like a mind wizard or something. I don’t know. Just read the card, okay?”

Kendall spotted the card in the bouquet and plucked it out, unfolding it and reading Jett’s neat scripture.

_Hey Kendork,_

_I can’t believe I’m doing this, but here goes. Don’t judge me, okay?_

_The truth is that I like you. I think you’re cute and stuff. You know. The usual stuff. I know I haven’t acted like it, but it’s the truth. I’m bad at writing notes. It’s word vomit on paper._

_I hope you like the flowers. I heard you like yellow._

_Jett D. Stetson_

_P.S. your shirts are dumber than mine but if you want to wear them I guess that’s okay._

He read it a second time, followed by a third. And he couldn’t quite help it; he burst into laughter.

Jett bristled immediately. “What, you think it’s funny?”

“No. I mean, it is – but not that way.” Kendall chuckled, eying the little heart shaped design on the front of the card as he folded it shut, breathing in the scent on the roses. “It’s just that I’ve finally met someone worse at writing Valentines than me.”

“Hey, I did my best. I was speaking from the heart, or whatever.” Jett rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a sigh. “Look, I just . . . now you know.”

“Yeah.” Kendall looked at the flowers, smiling as he remembered seeing them in the Valentine’s display. “Thanks for these. I do like them, but you didn’t have to get them. I’m not a girl.”

“I know you’re not.” Jett gave a small smile. “But I’ve kinda been pulling your pigtails for a while, huh?”

Kendall grinned, reaching for the vase by the ice cream tub and slipping the flowers inside. “I’ll pop some water into this. Do you wanna hang out? I was just watching TV, but I guess we could watch together.”

Jett smiled, and his blue eyes twinkled like topaz. “Sure. Here, let me.” He took the vase and walked over to the sink, while Kendall picked up his ice cream and grabbed a second spoon. He sat down on the couch and watched Jett put the flowers on the counter. “I’ve got a box of chocolates. We can share it, if you like that kind of thing.” He sighed to himself. Smooth as always.

“ _If_ I like chocolate? Yeah, I do.” Jett sat down beside him, choosing one and popping it into his mouth. “Is that spoon for me?”

Kendall nodded and handed it to him, balancing the ice cream on the couch between their knees and turning back to the TV without saying another word. He took a spoonful and let his attention return to the TV, not really knowing what to say yet. Was there anything even worth saying at that moment? He felt Jett’s arm move behind him to rest against the back of the couch and leaned back into it, letting himself relax at last. He realised then, that he hadn’t thought about James at all for some time. Quite a while for him, at least.

“You know, when you think about it,” Jett said, taking a spoonful of ice cream and letting his hand cup Kendall’s shoulder softly. “Valentine’s Day is so lame.”

Jett’s hand was a warm weight against him. Kendall smiled to himself, watching some poor sap on the TV gush about some woman he barely knew. “It’s not so bad.”


End file.
